I Fully Intended To... {In the Word Wednesday}

The following is written by Tracie Miles for Proverbs 31 Ministries

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

When I married my husband over twenty years ago, I fully intended to unconditionally love, respect and admire him. I had great intentions of being the perfect wife, offering kind words, a romantic kiss and dinner on the table every evening.

But then careers took off, bills increased, children were born, laundry piles grew, and life became chaotic.
Along the way I subconsciously created a measuring stick of expectations for whether my husband actually deserved my love and respect.

When marriage doesn’t meet those unrealistic expectations we had before the wedding, and real life kicks in, it’s easy to fall into the habit of tearing down our husbands and our marriages as well.

In fact, the longer couples are together, the easier it is to not only see each other’s flaws, but to mercilessly criticize them. This eventually leads to short tempers, less tolerance, minimal patience, and a lack of marital bliss.

As a result, those gifts of unconditional love, respect and admiration that we fully intended to offer become gifts we are not so willing to give.

A few years ago I picked up a book for wives written by my friend and author Rick Johnson. I was hoping to rekindle some passion in my marriage. Little did I know, God would use truths shared in that book to get my attention and help me make some inward changes.

As I read, God convicted my heart about things I had said to my husband just days earlier. I recalled critical comments that rolled off my tongue so easily, which I now regretted deeply. Although I had fully intended to be my husband’s biggest encourager, I had become one of his worst critics.

Over time, God helped me see the powerful influence I have on my husband and my marriage when I choose words that build up. Words that encourage instead of discourage.

As women, we have the power to build up or tear down our husbands every day, merely by the respect we give and the amount of faith we let him know we have in him.

Respect and admiration are two of the most powerful tools a wife has to influence her husband.
When I realized I had fallen short in giving those two precious gifts to my man, I asked God to help me control my tongue. I asked Him to fill my heart and mouth with words that would make my husband feel admired, respected and loved, regardless of whether I felt he deserved it.

I wanted His help following through on what I intended to do from the beginning, so I asked Him to convict my heart when critical thoughts crept into my mind, and help me avoid the temptation to say them out loud.

Within just a few weeks, I saw a change — in me, in my husband’s demeanor, and in our relationship. A change that rekindled unconditional love, respect and admiration. A change that reflected what I set out to give him all along.

Through our words of respect, and admiration, we can help our husbands become the great men God created them to be, and in turn, have the marriages we fully intended to build.

Dear Lord, help me to tame my tongue and focus on building up my man. Help me break free of the habit to criticize, even when warranted. Open my eyes to the positive, not the negative. Draw us closer, and help us both nurture a strong and loving marriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Visit Tracie’s blog and sign up to receive her free e-book “14 Days to a Happier Marriage.”
Taming Your Tongue by Deborah Smith Pegues
Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst
What a Husband Needs from His Wife and/or What a Wife Needs from Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

Application Steps:

Think about how important your husband’s love is to you and consider how your respect means just as much to him.

If your marriage seems strained right now, think about conversations with your husband lately. Have your comments been encouraging and uplifting, or discouraging and destructive?

Reflections:

Am I in the habit of tearing down my husband? How can I make sure our daily conversations leave him feeling respected and admired?

Power Verses:

Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13:2-7, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (ESV)

James 3:5b-6a, “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.” (NIV)

Back to School and organizing

Do you have a secret for keeping all of your papers organized? 

Or a trick to keeping certain papers/art projects of your kids?

I would love to hear your ideas!  And, I'm sure others would as well!

My way to keep papers organized (aka, not lost) is to keep them on the clipboards by our door.  I have 6 clipboards hung on the wall, one for every member of the family.  All papers, notes and announcements get hung up here so they don't get lost!  We've been doing this for about a year and it's worked very well!

For keeping fun papers and art projects from school, we started keeping folders in the filing cabinets for each of the kids, then at the end of the year, we buy one extra large mailing envelope for each one.  I write thier name, the year(s), thier teacher, school and sometimes height and weight on the outside of the envelope, put everything that we've saved throughout the year in the envelope, seal it up and put it in a tub in the basement with all of the other envelopes from years past.  I've tried other systems in the past and so far this one has stuck around the longest (like 5 or 6 years now).

What are your tricks?

Do I Have to Say I'm Sorry?

Forcing your child to apologize feels like a lesson in lying, but skipping the “sorry” seems like a big thumbs up to bad behavior. The solution: make apologies meaningful by helping your child understand how and why their behavior was wrong.

Discover the cause. If you weren’t present, ask, “What happened that led you to break Tara’s tower?” If you saw it happen, acknowledge the events that led to the offense. “I know you were upset that Tara used the best blocks, but . . .”

Encourage accountability. Keep things simple with toddlers: “Tara is sad because you broke her tower.” Begin to teach empathy to 4- to 5-year-olds: “I know you wanted to use the blocks, but you made Tara sad when you broke her tower.” Older kids are capable of empathizing; link that to accountability by saying something like, “Tara worked hard on her tower. How did you make her feel when you broke it?”

Deal with the effect. Encourage kids to own the problem and come up with the solution. Ask your school age child, “What could you say or do to make her feel better?” and prompt your toddler, “We say sorry when we break things or make people sad.”

Model repentance and forgiveness. Say “sorry” to your kids when you’ve spilled their milk or doodled on their work—and demonstrate forgiveness when they do the same things to you!

From Nurture Kids Faith

Fridays at the Park :: August 26

Don't forget about our playdate at Helder Park Friday!  10-?  Bring a lunch or snacks, drinks etc, whatever you want!

You can enter Helder Park between Riley and Quincy on 104th, the park is set back back quite a ways, past the soccer fields!  Hope to see you all there!

Join us next month for our open house!  More information coming soon!

God: Protective. But not overprotective.

The following is by Pastor Steven Furtick, pastor of Elevation Church.

Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”
Mark 14:35-36

It’s interesting that Jesus can still call God, “Abba, Father,” considering what’s coming. After all, the cup that

He’s asking God to take from Him only involves…

Getting beat within an inch of His life.
Having thorns jammed into His skull.
Having the flesh ripped off His back.
Nails being driven through His body.
And bearing the wrath of His Father.

This doesn’t exactly sound like the kind of loving, protective person that you’d want to call, ‘father.’ Yet Jesus does.

I think it’s because Jesus knows His Father better than we do. He knows a truth we have to keep in mind if we don’t want to become jaded when we’re experiencing seasons of suffering and pain. And it’s even something all parents should keep in mind as well:

God is a protective father. But he’s not overprotective.

Overprotective fathers try to keep their children from ever getting hurt. They shield them from anything that could potentially harm them or bring them any measure of emotional distress. As a result, their children are ill-prepared for the realities of life. And the growth of their character is stunted.

While no parent likes to see their kids in pain – even when it’s a minor thing – any good parent knows that pain is unavoidable. It’s the soil in which the seed of anything good and lasting grows.

That alone would probably be enough, but God isn’t overprotective for yet another reason. He doesn’t just let us experience pain because it develops us. God allows His children to feel pain because He can use it for a purpose.

He allowed Joseph to spend over 13 years in slavery and prison so He could save a nation and His people.
He allowed the early church to be persecuted so the gospel would spread outside Jerusalem.
He allowed Jesus to take the cup and suffer for our salvation.

God is more concerned about preserving His purposes than preventing our pain. He’s not overprotective. But we also need to know that even our pain can be used for His purposes. And therefore be redeemed. He’s very protective.

That’s what made Jesus be able to say, “Not my will, but yours be done” in His darkest hour. It’s what makes you able to say it in your darkest hours, too.

Just a good reminder...

Found (via pinterest) from mama hall

We have a WINNER!!!!

Kelly M.  You are the winner!  Congratulations!  (You will receive your book soon!)

Didn't win this time?  No worries my friend.  There will be one more giveaway on this blog in the coming weeks!  Stay tuned!

Star Wars Obsession

I have a four (almost 5) year old that is OBSESSED with star wars right now.  Personally, I don't get the movies, I don't like the movies and I'm not crazy about the stuff that goes with the movies.  But, he's a boy, I'm not, so whatever.  I found these on Pinterest today... (and the best part, I've got noodles galore in my garage)

via http://www.koreamom.blogspot.com/

And, these are just a small part of the amazing Star Wars party that she did. 

God's Timing {In the Word Wednesday}

Sorry, literally just a few words today, time seems to be getting away from me these days...

Faith in God includes Faith in his Timing!

Neal A. Maxwell

M-LIFE 2011-12 and a GIVEAWAY!

I'm so excited about everything we have planned for this year!  We have some AMAZING (yup, so amazing we had to capitalize it) speakers lined up and some super fun crafts, including a couple of favorites from last year!  I can't disclose everything yet, but stay tuned!

For now, make sure you put the M-LIFE open house on your calender.  September 23, from 9:30-11.  This will be your opportunity to register yourself and your kids for the coming year (although, remember that you do not have to pre-register).  You can come to one meeting or you can come to all of the meetings or somewhere in the middle!  We just love to have you whenever you can!

There are a few changes that we are making in the coming year:
1) The name change, which you should all have figured out by now!  We are no longer MOPS, but now M-LIFE!
2) No more table assignments.  This will give moms a better chance of meeting new people.  Were going to mix things up a bit. 
3) Breakfast assignments.  Because we won't have assigned tables, we will instead be doing a sign up asking moms to please sign up to bring one item for at least one meeting. 
4) We will be studying a book called Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson and basing our Faith Moments on that book each meeting.  You will not have to own or read the book, but it's a great book and will be very beneficial, and to start things off, we want to do a giveaway!

3 ways to enter, up to three entries per person!

1) Leave a comment on this blog post with your first name and last initial. 
2) Share this post on your facebook page (on the bottom right of this post, click on the small facebook logo), then come back here and leave a comment with your first name and last initial, and "facebook"
3) Share a link to the M-LIFE blog on your blog, then come back here and leave a comment with your first name and last initial, and "blog"

One lucky winner will be drawn on Friday, August 19 in the afternoon!  Make sure to check back to see if you are the winner!  Good Luck!

So now, the giveaway!

Date Night

When was the last time you had date night?  And, even more importantly, what did you do on that date night?  Do you and your spouse make time for date night?  Is it a priority that you have scheduled every week or is it something that just happens whenever there is time?

In the fall and winter we have date night every Sunday night after the kids are in bed, we just watch a tv show together.  It's our standing date.  And it makes me sound so lame, but it's sometimes the only time we have together during the week.
When we were younger, pre-kids, we seemed to always find new fun things to do, but, looking back, we also had a lot more time then.  Date night could easily be a date day.  Now it seems we always have to get back home to the kids, or we just get bored and go home.

So... my question is, what are your favorite "dates" with your hubby?

I googled "Date Night Ideas" and found a few links with some ideas...
Pocket Change Date Night Ideas
Nifty Date Ideas
About (dot) com
Date Night ideas

When He's Not the Spiritual Leader {In The Word Wednesday}

By Sonya from Becoming a Strong Woman of God
Found via Time Warp Wife

Many women are struggling with husbands who are not stepping up and taking on the role of a spiritual leader as we see outlined in the Bible. In today's world we need them more then ever to step up to this great call from God.

BUT... The reality is that some of our husbands need lifting and encouraging in this area and this is where WE come in. Our encouragement will give them the confidence they need to step up.

Encouraging our husband's right where they are and praying for them is our job. Stirring their heart, is God's.

I know most of us come into the marriage with great expectations about how the marriage will "look" and when it does not look that way we start to carry resentment around. Then before you know it resentment becomes your best friend and the husband gets pushed away left to feel judged and not good enough.

This is not what we want for our husbands. We want them to lead our homes, our children, and us as God commands them to do, however it will happen in God's timing! That is something we all have to learn to live with. God knows best, not us.

We have to trust God and His promises to bring our husbands to lead the home. In the mean time we can lift him up and encourage him to be the best he can be right where he is.

Let's look at some ways we can help:

1. Suggest things you would like to see in the home: praying, devotions and such.
2. Encourage him to participate with you or suggest that he lead. If he is not ready then be loving about it and pray that God will move in his heart. He will come around again at God's perfect timing!
3. Avoid showing frustration if he is not stepping up. Remember God is bigger then us and he will move him to lead when in His time.
4. Put away any resentment and with patience pray for him daily.
5. Cheerfully help him right where he is without grumbling or complaint.
6. Seek God when he is falling short.
7. Allow God to be the one to stir his heart.

For the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ also is the head of the church,
He Himself being the Savior of the body.
~ Ephesians 5:23
This is God's promise, trusting in God to bring our husbands to this spiritual role as a leader and loving him right where he is, in his walk with God, will draw him to where God has called him to be--the leader.


Then the LORD God said,
"It is not good for the man to be alone;
I will make him a helper suitable for him."
~ Genesis 2:18
We are his "help mate" and there are times he needs our help to step up until he is ready. Take on this role with joy knowing that God is in control and His promise will come to be at his perfect timing.

Grease and Grime No More

Don't you absolutely HATE to clean that stove top burner?  I do.  I avoid it.  I try to hide it.  I just can never seem to get them clean.  But then I came upon this tip.  I plan to try it.  As soon as I get some Ammonia!

From The V Spot

As always click on picture for a direct link!

Happy Cleaning!

Disappointments {In the Word Wednesday}

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past”
(Isaiah 43:18, NIV)

The Bible tells us that every person, no matter how much faith they have or how good they are, will face disappointments. It may be something simple like not getting the promotion you hoped for, or not closing a business deal you worked so hard on. Maybe you didn’t qualify for a house you really wanted, or maybe something more serious happened like a relationship not working out, the death of a loved one, or some kind of illness in your body. Whatever it may be, the reality is that we’re all going to suffer some setbacks. I believe one of the main keys to overcoming disappointments is learning to let go of the past.

If you feel “stuck” today, you may want to examine what you’re holding on to. Be willing let go of past disappointments by choosing forgiveness. Who hurt you? Who wronged you? Release it to God. Do you need to forgive yourself? Do you need to receive God’s forgiveness? Make the choice today to forgive. Let go of the past so you can overcome disappointments and experience the bright future God has in store for you!

From tumblr

What manners need to make a comeback?

Which manners need to make a comeback?... {The readers digest version}

Readers Digest Facebook followers were asked to share the kind gestures they'd like to see more of - and more often.  Some of the answers follow:
*Children looking people in the eye when spoken to My kids and I are so guilty of this one.  It's so hard to force them to look someone in the eyes when we are out in public, they just do not want to and I do not want to argue with them in front of someoen.
*Covering your mouth when coughing. Yes please, I don't need to share all of your germs.  And please don't cover with your hand and then try to shake mine, that doesn't help anymore than you sneezing all over me.
*No cursing in public  This drives me nuts.  With no regard to my children, or myself.  I know I'm going to sound old here, but it especially bugs me when it's teenage kids.  I don't think they realize that instead of making them appear really really cool and make me want to be thier friend, they appear really really dumb and I want to hit them up side the head!
*A handshake with a proper greeting.  I typically follow the lead of the other person on this one.  Not sure why.
*Removing hats in restaurants and church.  This one doesn't typically bother me, although I do think in church it is an act of respect.
*Written thank you notes.  I'm so bad at this.  I try, but sometimes I get overwhelmed.  And really, it doesn't bother me if I don't receive one either.  Christmas cards, well, that's another story.  IF I'm going to receive one I would rather it be in the mail than on the computer.  I know that not everyone has time to do them every year and that is fine, but then don't send one.  (Note to self: start working on Christmas cards so I can send them out this year)
*Children calling people "Mr." or "Mrs.".  It's a small thing, but there is a lot of respect in it.  I rarely make my kids do this.  But I do think it shows a lot of respect.  I'm just so bad at it. 
*"Please", "Thank you", and fully covered buttocks.  Yes, please and thank you. (note, I think I'm ok on these ones)
*Apologizing face-to-face instead of on Facebook.  A facebook ANYTHING does not count!
*Chewing with your mouth closed!  This drives me nuts.  My kids do it all the time and I'm constantly reminding them to shut thier mouths!!!
*Excusing yourself to take a phone call.  No comment.

So, now I'm wondering, what manners do you think you don't see enough of, what are your toughts on these, or how do you teach these to your kids?